Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
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She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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