I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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