I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
