At least make sure they are 18
Why
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
