Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
