I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
