bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
