you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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