So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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