Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
