Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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