I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
