You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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