i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
