he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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