I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
