If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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