Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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