the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
