he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
