Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
