He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
