Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
