I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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