Christians are straight up FREAKS
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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