You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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