its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
