Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
