i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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