now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.