dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
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you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
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Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!