I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
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Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
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Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.