i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
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I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it