With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
