NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
