If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
