He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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