May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
