Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
This beer is not sobering me up at all
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
