Ambien. No doubt about it.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
