i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said