I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.