I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
