he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
