I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
