you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
