It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
and you fell through a lawn chair
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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