Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
