They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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