I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
