hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
