Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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