Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
