Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
my vag is so smooth its legendary
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
