Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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