false alarm. still invincible.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
